As massage therapists, we’re obligated to perform an intake interview and ask the client questions so we can find out why they’re seeking massage and whether there are any contraindications. Even though the work we do is personal, we shouldn’t get too personal with the questions we ask. We can ask a client if they are stressed, but unless they volunteer that information, it’s none of our business why they’re stressed.
Our clients’ personal problems are not something we should ask about, and if they share them, don’t act like a counselor or offer advice. If a client says, “I just found out my spouse wants a divorce,” just say, “I’m sorry you’re going through that,” and avoid the urge to bash your own ex or talk about your own divorce.
On the flip side, some clients will ask us personal questions about our lives. They may ask if we’re married and/or if we have children and may question the answers we give: “You’ve been married five years, and you don’t have children yet? Why not? Aren’t you planning to have any?” For all they know, you may have recently experienced a miscarriage and don’t want to talk about it or you’ve made the personal choice not to have children and don’t need to justify that to anyone. If you say you’re not married and they ask if you’re dating, you may wonder if they’re about to ask you out or try to set you up with someone.
The questions we should avoid asking clients—such as why they don’t have children, who they’re voting for, their sexual orientation, what possessed them to get tattoos, or other inappropriate questions that are not pertinent to our work with them—are the same questions we don’t have to answer when a client asks. Just as their personal lives are none of our business, our personal lives are none of their business. And yet, we don’t wish to come across as being rude or too aloof.
Clients who ask personal questions may not have the intention of being nosy. It could be that they’re not used to having the attention focused on them or they feel like they should be making conversation with you. In response, you can say, “Let’s not get into my boring life; let’s focus on helping you feel better.” Your life may not be boring at all, but injecting a little humor can take the sting out of letting them know you don’t want to discuss your personal life. After all, they are there for a reason—to receive a massage—and the attention should be on them.
Those who live in a small town where everybody knows everybody may have clients who want to share local gossip and ask what’s going on in your life (so they can talk to others about you!). Answer their questions with something like, “Everything’s going great with me. Let’s get to work on your neck pain!”
